Roll the dice...

          Charles Bukowski says "I wanted the whole world or nothing". I've read that so much time ago, I don't even remember. And at that time it didn't make sense to me. I mean, I know what he means, but, the whole world? Isn't that greedy? Wanting everything? The whole world?

          When I was graduating from University, I was so full with ambitions. So many wishes, so many pictures of success in my head, I could not have believed what was about to happen in just couple of months. I thought it would be so easy after I graduated. Oh, the easy part was truly done. And you know the story, countless resumes and motivational letters were sent out, dozens of interviews, a few inappropriate ones and not one leading to a job offer. I lowered my expectations and standards and started all over again. Resumes, emails, letters, interviews. Still nothing. If I was to get independent from my parents rent-wise, I had to get money somehow. 

          I took on a job selling ice-cream. It didn't pay much, so I took on a job as a bartender. It was fun, but not as worth as I put myself into. Then I decided to try waitressing. It did pay enough so I can pay my rent and bills. But, for a certain period of time, I had forgotten all about my ambitions. Somehow you get sucked into this magic circle of a bad job after a bad job and forget where you were really headed. The last place where I worked as a waitress was so demeaning, I could not believe myself I worked there. Only locals wanna-be mafia guys came in, they knew the owner, and after a while, I figured out that they were selling cocaine from the basement right below the bar. I needed the pay, so I stayed a certain amount of time. But it wasn't working out. It was so depressing, so undermining. Until one day, when 9 policemen entered the bar with three inspectors. When I asked why they came, one of them just said that it was because of the new law the government just introduced, prohibiting smoking in bars, coffee places, discos, etc. I knew they came for the drugs. As I was going home, I called my mother, telling her I cannot handle it anymore. This was not what I studied for. This was not what I wanted to do. This was not me. 

           Surprisingly enough, the next morning the owner called me to tell me that they shut down the place, so I should start looking for a new job. Even though, I was left without a regular pay, I felt liberated. I felt free. As my ambitions I once had had just awakened from a state of hibernation. 

          Once again, I started looking for a new job. And this time, I was determined not to take any other job unless I am fully satisfied with the position and the pay. And in less than a month I got it. Not the pay I was expecting, but still it was a position, where I get to work in an office, with a team of young people, all trying to start their career somehow. I had to do waitressing a couple of nights on the weekend to make ends meet, but still. This was my door to the world of corporate culture and building my career.

          Three years later, and a few corporate cultures examined, I can now proudly say I am on my way. I rolled the dice and took every opportunity life gave me. I made mistakes. And I learned from them. People call them experience. And I made a few good choices that are now paying of. But every time I take upon a challenge I tend to put my 100% in. I get so enthusiastic that maybe sometimes it contradicts my nature of being too realistic and down to earth. That's what made me an overachiever and a star wherever I decided to give my all in. And I can say, for sure, all these experiences that I had made me realize that you never give up. Never. Ever. Eventually, you will have it all.

I now understand Bukowski. I don't want it all, but I know that I want the whole world. And I can do it. It's either the one or the other. There is no in between.