To all those little things

It's Saturday evening, 30 minutes after 10 pm, and I am sitting in front of my laptop, listening to music and trying to figure out my future plans. My thoughts wander as I light up yet another cigarette and take a sip of my already cold tea. It seems like I have figured all out. Having the perfect job, enjoying every little bit of it. Having this awesome relationship with the love of my life for so long. Having my family fully supporting me in every decision I make. Having the craziest friends, pursuing their happiness and also trying to figure shit out.

What is it? What makes me smile? What makes me keep going? I mean, I do feel complete and fulfilled, yet somehow I still find myself thinking over what makes me happy and motivated. As I sit here going all philosophical, my boyfriend brings me hot cocoa and hugs me. And it dawns on me. It's the little things. The little things keep me going.

Simple, black, Turkish coffee in the morning with him. A cigarette break. A stranger smiling at me just because we just made eye-contact. The colleague that never forgets to tell me to have a nice day. The friend that calls me every once in a while just to hear my voice and see how I'm doing. My mother's worried voice when I have a bit of a soar throat. Sunny morning. Sunny day. Good night sleep. Hot tea. Cold shower on a hot summer day. Summer. Fall. Fall leaves falling perfectly synced with the wind. Easy evenings after a hard day. Honey in my tea. My sister's smile. My sister's laugh. My sister. Walks. Short walks. Long walks. Long talks. Meaningful talks. Birthdays. Weddings. Anniversaries. A kid smiling back at the supermarket. The bus driver's reaction when I say 'please' and 'thank you'. The new lip balm that smells exactly like the one I used when I was a child. Memories of my grandparents. Cozy winter nights. Good book. Good poem. Every poem. Every book. The smell of old books. The smell of new books. The smell of freshly cut grass. The smell after a spring rain. Spring rain. April...

I can go on and make a humongous list of the little things I enjoy. It's these things that make me feel alive. Make me feel good. Bring positive vibes. A few weeks back I opened my diary and started reading. Thank god, there was no Facebook back then. I read about the trivial things I lost it over so many times. And all those not so trivial things. And it made me happy. Knowing I went through so many things and I am still going. I am still thriving. I'm still rocking the shit out of this life. Because of the small things. Like his smile. And my smile when he smiles. It reminds me. We need as little. A smile.