Weirdos...

I like weird people...the black sheep, the odd ducks, rejects, the eccsentrics, the loners, the lost and forgotten. More often than not, these people have the most beautiful souls.

In today's ever-changing world, society tries to convey a certain model of how a man should behave, what a man has to believe, how a man has got to act. There are a millions of rules and laws and restrictions, convictions of a specific human behavior. We are told how to smile, whether we are too loud or too quiet, whether we look appropriate for the occasion or not, whether this color goes with this, whether our words compliment our social image or not...

It seems like there is a predefined norm for how to be a human today. Even as kids, at school we are taught what to think, what is important to know, what we need to acquire as basic, common sense knowledge before we enter the world of grown ups. All the way through the educational system, all around the world, there are similar standards of how we should be taught. Moral, ethics, societal rules, obligations and implications. And I am not all against that. I believe there should be a norm. But not as restrictive as it is. We are taught what we should know. We are taught what is important. We are taught what we should think. We are not taught how. How to think. How to question. How to be curious. How to discover. How to uncover. How to search. How to be creative.

If a kid stands out of this pattern, they are immediately labeled. And that certain label sticks with them for a long long time. They are told they should change. Why? Does someone give them a reason why they should change? The world wouldn't accept them? They don't fit? Society says so? is it not right? The right way to live your own life?

Yeah, fuck what they think. Remember the boy that was fat in first grade and no one wanted to play with him? Today he is the most sociable, warm, lovable person. The kid that was a nerd, today works as an engineer and might make a startling discovery that will save lives. The girl that did not talk that much is a writer today and offers her thoughts on a platter, influencing youngsters to never give up. The girl that was wearing the same outfit every day of the week, now makes a ton of money and helps the underprivileged. The quietest kid that wore black is now a musician, making the smoothest, soul-healing music. 

All those people that were once labeled as the black sheep, the rejects are today's rebels. Those are the ones that are changing the world and making it a better place to live. 

Yes, I like weird people...the black sheep, the odd ducks, rejects, the eccsentrics, the loners, the lost and forgotten. More often than not, these people have the most beautiful souls.

This one's for you, my weirdos. To you and your beautiful souls.

Look up!

I got my first mobile (or cell) phone when I was in high school. I bought it myself, after saving a few installments of my scholarship. I remember it as it had had happened today. It was a royal blue motorola (as shown in the picture below). Not a lot of my friends had one and it was a hit.

As years passed by, mobile devices became necessity. And a trend. And a must. And as every cliché goes, so does this post. As useful and necessary they are, they have become a burden to socializing. To talking. To looking the people in the face while talking to them. You get in a coffee shop and everyone stares down. It's no longer fun to dress up and go out just to be seen. You get on the bus and all you see is people faces enlightened by these small magic devices. I remember people interacting a lot more on the bus when I was a kid. I met so many people, talked to so many interesting characters that you get to meet only once in your life and years on ask yourself what had happened to that one person you met that time when you were traveling from this city to that. I mean, the magic of the human interaction is gone. It all came up to 'I'll text you', or 'I'll FaceBook you', or 'I'll (insertwhateverappyouuse) you'. Rare have become the people that call you just to hear your voice. 

What bothers me the most are the heads down. It's like people are magnetized to these small screens, never looking up. Maybe only for crossing the street. Even then, they'll glimpse at their phone, as the thing they're reading will somehow disappear when you get on the other side of the road. C'mon people, LOOK UP!

There is so much you're missing. What happened to randomly noticing new stuff along the road, along the pavement? What happened to randomly catching someone's glimpse and smiling? What happened to enjoying the diversity of the public transport passengers? That old lady that is all dressed up with a hair updo. She must have some very special occasion. Or that man in a suit. He is probably getting off from work. Or that kid with the backpack. Or that beautiful girl with the beautiful eyes. Or that handsome man that tries to steal your attention by trying to 'keep it cool'.

Look up, people. There is so much happening around, and yet we are still blindsided. Magnetized. Hypnotized. 

Look up! It's where life happens.

Look up! Cause if you wait for too long, there might be no one the next time you look up.

Look up! The phone doesn't love you. But people do.

Look up!!!

Roll the dice...

          Charles Bukowski says "I wanted the whole world or nothing". I've read that so much time ago, I don't even remember. And at that time it didn't make sense to me. I mean, I know what he means, but, the whole world? Isn't that greedy? Wanting everything? The whole world?

          When I was graduating from University, I was so full with ambitions. So many wishes, so many pictures of success in my head, I could not have believed what was about to happen in just couple of months. I thought it would be so easy after I graduated. Oh, the easy part was truly done. And you know the story, countless resumes and motivational letters were sent out, dozens of interviews, a few inappropriate ones and not one leading to a job offer. I lowered my expectations and standards and started all over again. Resumes, emails, letters, interviews. Still nothing. If I was to get independent from my parents rent-wise, I had to get money somehow. 

          I took on a job selling ice-cream. It didn't pay much, so I took on a job as a bartender. It was fun, but not as worth as I put myself into. Then I decided to try waitressing. It did pay enough so I can pay my rent and bills. But, for a certain period of time, I had forgotten all about my ambitions. Somehow you get sucked into this magic circle of a bad job after a bad job and forget where you were really headed. The last place where I worked as a waitress was so demeaning, I could not believe myself I worked there. Only locals wanna-be mafia guys came in, they knew the owner, and after a while, I figured out that they were selling cocaine from the basement right below the bar. I needed the pay, so I stayed a certain amount of time. But it wasn't working out. It was so depressing, so undermining. Until one day, when 9 policemen entered the bar with three inspectors. When I asked why they came, one of them just said that it was because of the new law the government just introduced, prohibiting smoking in bars, coffee places, discos, etc. I knew they came for the drugs. As I was going home, I called my mother, telling her I cannot handle it anymore. This was not what I studied for. This was not what I wanted to do. This was not me. 

           Surprisingly enough, the next morning the owner called me to tell me that they shut down the place, so I should start looking for a new job. Even though, I was left without a regular pay, I felt liberated. I felt free. As my ambitions I once had had just awakened from a state of hibernation. 

          Once again, I started looking for a new job. And this time, I was determined not to take any other job unless I am fully satisfied with the position and the pay. And in less than a month I got it. Not the pay I was expecting, but still it was a position, where I get to work in an office, with a team of young people, all trying to start their career somehow. I had to do waitressing a couple of nights on the weekend to make ends meet, but still. This was my door to the world of corporate culture and building my career.

          Three years later, and a few corporate cultures examined, I can now proudly say I am on my way. I rolled the dice and took every opportunity life gave me. I made mistakes. And I learned from them. People call them experience. And I made a few good choices that are now paying of. But every time I take upon a challenge I tend to put my 100% in. I get so enthusiastic that maybe sometimes it contradicts my nature of being too realistic and down to earth. That's what made me an overachiever and a star wherever I decided to give my all in. And I can say, for sure, all these experiences that I had made me realize that you never give up. Never. Ever. Eventually, you will have it all.

I now understand Bukowski. I don't want it all, but I know that I want the whole world. And I can do it. It's either the one or the other. There is no in between. 

To all those little things

It's Saturday evening, 30 minutes after 10 pm, and I am sitting in front of my laptop, listening to music and trying to figure out my future plans. My thoughts wander as I light up yet another cigarette and take a sip of my already cold tea. It seems like I have figured all out. Having the perfect job, enjoying every little bit of it. Having this awesome relationship with the love of my life for so long. Having my family fully supporting me in every decision I make. Having the craziest friends, pursuing their happiness and also trying to figure shit out.

What is it? What makes me smile? What makes me keep going? I mean, I do feel complete and fulfilled, yet somehow I still find myself thinking over what makes me happy and motivated. As I sit here going all philosophical, my boyfriend brings me hot cocoa and hugs me. And it dawns on me. It's the little things. The little things keep me going.

Simple, black, Turkish coffee in the morning with him. A cigarette break. A stranger smiling at me just because we just made eye-contact. The colleague that never forgets to tell me to have a nice day. The friend that calls me every once in a while just to hear my voice and see how I'm doing. My mother's worried voice when I have a bit of a soar throat. Sunny morning. Sunny day. Good night sleep. Hot tea. Cold shower on a hot summer day. Summer. Fall. Fall leaves falling perfectly synced with the wind. Easy evenings after a hard day. Honey in my tea. My sister's smile. My sister's laugh. My sister. Walks. Short walks. Long walks. Long talks. Meaningful talks. Birthdays. Weddings. Anniversaries. A kid smiling back at the supermarket. The bus driver's reaction when I say 'please' and 'thank you'. The new lip balm that smells exactly like the one I used when I was a child. Memories of my grandparents. Cozy winter nights. Good book. Good poem. Every poem. Every book. The smell of old books. The smell of new books. The smell of freshly cut grass. The smell after a spring rain. Spring rain. April...

I can go on and make a humongous list of the little things I enjoy. It's these things that make me feel alive. Make me feel good. Bring positive vibes. A few weeks back I opened my diary and started reading. Thank god, there was no Facebook back then. I read about the trivial things I lost it over so many times. And all those not so trivial things. And it made me happy. Knowing I went through so many things and I am still going. I am still thriving. I'm still rocking the shit out of this life. Because of the small things. Like his smile. And my smile when he smiles. It reminds me. We need as little. A smile.