Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Сакај!

Најважно од сé, сакај.
Сакај, како да не знаеш ништо друго.
Сакај, како никогаш што не си сакал.

На крајот на краиштата, 
ништо не е битно.
Ниту оваа страница,
ниту местото,
ниту титулата,
ниту работата,
најмалку парите.

Ништо не е битно 
освен љубовта.
Човечкиот допир.
Кого си сакал.
Колку си сакал.

Сакај!

Monday, August 29, 2016

За сексот, градот и луѓето

Не, нема постов да биде за секс. Ве излажав. Добро, може малку ќе има околу сексот. Од оној лошиот. Оној само на уста-секс. Не орален. Психички. Нејсе.

Кмишам веќе еден саат на лаптоп. Шетајќи помеѓу твитер, фејсбук и јутуб, главно на фејсбук. Слики од одмори, свршувачки, прстени, коли, пијалоци, среќни парови, вечни феминистки, сингл-персони, лајонес и слични пирамидно-структурирани квази-бизниси, бебиња, свадби, прослави по секој повод, фризури и нокти, наградни игри од локални бизнис-суети, портали со нај нај најексклузивни вести, провладини и проопозициски постови, пропагирање здрав живот и навики... Срање. Кој секс, човече. Мозокот ми се смали, ми зовре. Морам да излезам.

Се качувам од последна 24ка од Тафталиџе, си реков да прошетам низ центар малку. Сабота, ден кога одредена демографска група имаат фри пас за ЈСП. Тоа што имаат право да се возат без пари, мислиш им дава право и да се однесуваат ко мршојадни птици (се извинувам за живописнава споредба) тепајќи се, буквално се туркаат меѓу себе за слободно столче. Демографијата во автобусот изгледа вака: 4 млади луѓе 20-30 години, шоферот и уште 5 души 40-50 работоспособни шо излегле по работа и околу 35-36 луѓе со над 65 години. Да, немав друга работа и ги броев. И онака возење до центар е 15-тина минути. Ставам слушалки и пуштам музика да не им ги слушам дневно-политичките размисли (не дека не ценам искуство и старост, едноставно влегуваат со став на алфа-мажјаци и алфа-женки и како денешнава младина не ја бива, колку шоферот не знаел да вози и колку е многу жешко).

Се симнувам на Рекорд и тргнувам кон плоштад. Седнувам на онаа клупата карши Пелистер и Цар Самоил. Најубава е за инкогнито набљудување. Седнати дотерани дадички и батковци во Пелистер со куртоазни насмевки и вештачка љубезност. Скапи наочари за сонце и ефтин накит, скап телефон и ефтини фори. Многу шминка и малку насмевки. Господава со големи стомаци, еднакви на егото им. Високи штикли и ниски морали. Ми текнува еднаш, одамна, еден тогаш другар ме однесе во Пелистер на ручек. И ми рече - „Бирај“. И тогаш ја имаше горе-долу истата конституција на клиенти. „Што да бирам?“ - го прашав, целата во збунка. Ми рече дека сме седеле во елитата, во кајмакот на општеството и требало да си барам животен сопатник таму. Тоа беше последното излегување со него. Ставот на другаров очигледно е широко распространет, години потоа ја слушав истата констатација - таму излегува елитата. Тие биле врвот на општеството. Аха. ОК.

Обичните смртници поминуваа покрај ресторанот. Забрзани, задишани, со светнати чела од пот и загрижени, збрчкани лица. Млади, излезени во пар или група, бараат место да седнат на кафе. Секакви. Неелита. Мајки со деца, другарки на кафе, другари на пиво (или обратно), млади, стари. Ги набљудувам некои 20-тина минути. Сите имаат некој ист израз на лицето. Загрижен. Замислен. Може од жешкото е.

Кловнот погоре пуштил некоја страшна музика од 80-тите и жонглира некои изгризани, изедени од времето топки. Чичково пред мене со фрижидерот пред него само воздивнува. Чат-пат ќе му застане некој, ќе му купи сладолед на детето и ќе замине. Чичкото пак ќе седне. И така цел ден. Поцрнет, со брчки и подгрбавен. Како цела тежина на светот на плеќи да ја носи. Поминува бабичкана што продава цвеќиња. „Бабе, колку ти се цвеќињата?“ - ја прашав откако седна до мене да одмори. „Овие ти се по 50, овие по 70, а овие, најубавите по 100“. -„Скапо бе, бабе. Дај ми од тие по 50“. И ми се расприкажа. Како син и и снаа и не се на работа, а има внуче што му требаат патики и книги, сега од први на училиште ќе одел, како таа со години работела во некоја фабрика со мажот и, па тој починал и сега морала да работи. Стана и тргна кон другите клупи на кои седеа парови. Си ја знае таргет-публиката.

Малку погоре, кај оној чуднион споменик што не го разбирам - чистачот на чевли, просат две деца, едното скоро бебе. А наспроти мене се издига, нели, цар Александар. Кој контраст. И Пелистер до нив. И ми текна да се придвижам малку на кај кеј. На кај Панорамското тркало и возот и арките. Се загледувам во, наизглед монументалните барокни фасади на огромните згради пред мене. 



И ми текнува на сексот. Ви реков, ќе има малку и околу него. Ми текнува на сексот што им се случува на народецов. Сексот од аристократскава капиталистичка „демократија“. Од лево имаш 9-милионски споменик од 22 метра, од десно река полна ѓубре и деца што просат за леб.

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Снебитување

Некогаш љубовта може да те уништи. До срж да те снебити. 
Но, понекогаш може толку да те оживее...нејсе, да те крене од мртвите. 
Најчесто, доволна е да те одржи во живот.
А ти, дали ќе живееш со неа, или ќе преживуваш без неа е само прашање на време.


Секогаш кога ќе ја видеше, в глава му се вртеше “I’ve seen a face” од Битлси.
Резервиран романтичар, безнадежен меланхолик.
Чудак.
Ама ја сакаше најмногу од сите претходни.
И сите идни.
Таа него?



* * *

Ја сакаше. Се сеќаваше на времето поминато со неа. му се вртеа слики од тоа време: нејзините штикли под неговиот кревет, шнолка на наткасната, стегач за коса во бањата пред огледалото, ситнурии нејзини што ја отсликуваа нејзината безгрижност и лекост. Лекост од душата. Таква беше. Му текнуваше на прошетките по празниот булевар во 3 по полноќ затоа што не можеа да заспијат. Доволно им беше што сонуваа со отворени очи. Цигарите што ги пушеа на клупичката пред зграда, довикувајќи им на мачките што мрзеливо се преместуваа на некое позатскриено ќоше. Му се слоши. Му текна дека ја нема. Туѓа е. А беше комплетно негова. Се потсети на некоја забава, во полупригушено светло кај што ја набљудуваше од страна и се восхитуваше. На нејзиното танцување. Кокетираше со музиката. И да беше со десетици луѓе, ќе се завртеше кон него, со поглед да му каже дека е тука. Дека е негова. А тој? Тој беше сечиј. Само нејзин не. И глуп.

Почнаа нејзините зборови да му одекнуваат во мислите. Зборовите кога си заминуваше. 
„Ти не знаеш да сакаш. Ако сакаш некого, треба да си со него, а не да се плеткаш на страна. Ти не знаеш да сакаш. Години заедно, така фрлени. Оди. Не е битно. И онака не знаеш да сакаш“. Тргна да повраќа. Уште во мислите му се вртеа нејзините зборови: „Ти нè уништи. Ќе ти текне еден ден и ќе плачеш. Ќе плачеш како мало дете, да знаеш. Не знаеш да сакаш. И сега не знаеш што треба да кажеш, нели? Нема врска, јас ќе ти кажам. Те сакам, глуп еден. Ама, веќе не е доволно. Со напори од петни жили се борев за нас. За што? За кого? Не знаеш да сакаш и тоа е. А јас не можам веќе да бидам сама во врска. Двајца требаат“.

- Не знам да сакам - прошепоти. - Не знам.

А ја сакаше. И уште ја сака.

Ја запали и последната цигара од кутијата, се навали на каучот кај што спиеја заедно и потона во тешката тишина. Сам.

Некогаш љубовта може да те уништи. До срж да те снебити. Една голема празнина се смести до него на каучот и го доуништи. Маж. Се сведе на ништо. Си ја гушна празнината и потона во снебитување.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Eyes wide shut

When it comes to a great turmoil, events that the general mass can not digest, congestion is inevitable. When it comes to everyday bullshit, and I am talking the dullest and shallowest bullshit product of the mass media, it seem like people have no issue of accepting it. Like a perpetual state of mind. It reminds me of the frog experiment. The premise is that if a frog is placed in boiling water, it will jump out, but if it is placed in cold water that is slowly heated, it will not perceive the danger and will be cooked to death. 

The frog experiment is an excellent metaphor for what has been happening all around the world, and piece by piece, bite by bite, small portion at a time, and people become unaware of the bullshit they have been served with and are eating on a daily basis. Three to four times a day. Depending on your cultural diet. 

Culture. Society. Citizenship. Patriotism. Nationalism. Preserving cultural heritage. Bullshit. Cultural programming. Mass hallucination. Blunt eyes, empty words and shallow stories. Mass consumerism and capitalism drowners. Consumerism as a social and economic order and ideology encourages the acquisition of goods and services in ever-increasing amounts. Materialism.

It is so dull, it hurts.

Eyes wide shut.



Talk to me

Talk to me about yesterday
what you ate and what you did
how many hours did you sleep
how many minutes you thought of me
if any at all.

Talk to me about you
Your dreams and ambitions
your soul inhibitions
heart inquisitions
and mind composition.

Talk to me in superlatives.
I wanna know your passion
see the sparkle in your eyes
what makes you smile
what brings you up.

Talk to me about anything
Just talk, to hear your voice.
Talk to me about everything
just talk, theme is your choice.
Just talk to me!
Art: Longing by Shelby McQuilkin

We were meant to be

We were meant to be
You and me, we were part
of a universal agreement
when stardust came together.

We were meant to be
as the moon belongs
to the dark sky at night.

We were meant to be.
But not at the same time.
Not in the same place.

We were meant to be,
but we did it wrong.

Sinning

It seems like
every time that I see you
my muse awakens.

And not only her.
All my estrogen-fueled 
body parts.

All my endorphin-induced 
brain cells.
All my senses.

All my thoughts of sinning.
With you.
All the way!


Sunday, January 31, 2016

Where to now?

"Get a job. Go to work. Get married. Have children. Follow fashion. Act normal. Walk on the pavement. Watch TV. Obey the law. Save for old age.
Now repeat after me: I AM FREE!"

Society is so full of prejudice. What's considered right or wrong, whats considered normal or not. There is so much pressure on people to spend their whole lives working their asses off instead of enjoying life. People who think differently and would rather enjoy their lives are looked down upon and as hippies or weirdos. It's so crazy to actually think how fucked society has become.
People don't like change.

And in any case, who is going to change things? Most people are just concerned about their own well being (and the well being of their loved ones) to take any action.

Of course, one could argue the power of the people (banding together, protesting and such). It has worked, in some cases. But, I have also noticed a lot of movements that eventually lost its power (and its following).

Unless a great leader arises among us...nothing is going to change. And it terrifies the shit out of me!!!

Why cant we get past racism...when we know that we all came from the same place. We know that our skin color is a result of migration and climate but..."I hate you because you look different"? Its a shame we're still stuck in this type of thinking. 

Why does life seem to be all about how much money you have? How come you can't enjoy life, learning and discovering things about yourself, sharing with people, and loving one another? Why do you have to 1up another person to make yourself feel happy? 

Why are there people influencing us to make decisions that will ultimately make them rich? I mean, really large companies are creating items while working with psychologist and marketers, hoping to keep you dumb enough to buy their product. How come people aren't more focused on reaching high academic heights? The world would be a better place. 

Why are we still fighting over man-made religion? We know that humans created religion out of ignorance and geology...is it because it keeps the average man in a box? Is it easier to rule and control? 

How come people are dying of AIDS and how come people are still poor? I mean Africa is one of the hottest places on Earth...you'd think they'd have the best Solar energy development in the world. Instead...people are still dying of low energy. There isn't enough energy to power homes and hospitals? 

Why are we facing a nuclear situation in life that makes us smile in the face of our enemies? The arms race will only destroy us in the end. 

War. People justify murder during such times as acts of desperation. It's still murder. The murder would be completely unnecessary if bad people weren't put into positions of power, and if people didn't feel the need to divide territories and define ownership over them. 

People can be terrible. There's cold blooded killers, thieves, etc. There's people who rape, and the equally absolutely terrible people who make false claims of rape. Luckily, there are a few genuinely good folks sprinkled in here and there, and perhaps you'll meet them. 

Truth be told...we as a Human race are at a stage in our civilization that we should know how to be perpetually happier than we actually are. We possess the smarts and human know-how. We possess the technology and man power...but we are stuck in a world were people fight over land and money and power. WHY?

People are in denial. They are too scared to acknowledge the true source of this society’s rampant "insanity". Most people have been coerced and manipulated into a state of what anarchist political prisoner, Rob ‘los Ricos’ Thaxton, calls "imposed imbecility". The institutions of the state and capital enforce this. Schools, prisons, work, the police, social service programs, and the corporate mass media all contribute to this incredible brain-washing scheme. They force us to depend upon them. They tell us that the way we live today is the best way to live. They tell us that we have reached the pinnacle of human existence - the height of civilization. They tell us that there is no alternative. We must obey. 


I am free. Yeah, right!

Wake up!!!

Saturday, January 9, 2016

My New Year's Resolution

Every New Year, people have the urge to make their New Year's resolutions. Promises that they will tend to fulfill in the year to come. Resolutions. Promises. Wishful thinking. That you will work on yourself to become a better person. To exercise more. To read more. To go out more. To pay more attention to your own needs and not care as much for what people say. Go travel. Buy something expensive.


Take a moment and think about your New Year's resolution. Did you make one? What did you promise to yourself? Have you started working towards it? Or did you forget it already? Each year we say we’ll start doing this, or stop doing that. But more often than not our big plans get dashed sometime in January. Whatever the case, I present you MY New Year's resolution for you. 

1. Forgive and forget. Most possibly one of the best pieces of advice I have ever read. Don't hold grudges. Whatever happened, happened and no amount of time spent on analyzing and grudging will make you feel better. Let it go. The more you think about it, the more negative thoughts fill your brain and you end up not being happy. In a year from now, that little thing that seems so important, won't even cross your mind. Then why stress about it? Just don't. Eventually, if it is something someone did to you that hurt you, take it as a lesson and move on. Forgive and forget.

2. Be honest. To yourself. This is the best policy you might incorporate in your life. Don't just lie to yourself. Do I really want this? Will it make me happy? Is it necessary? Will it make me feel bad? Will it add value to my life?

3. Make a difference. I tend to do small acts on a daily basis to brighten up someone's day. A simple note on a colleague's desk. A text sent to a friend's cell phone. Well-hearted wish for someone's special occasion. Buying chocolate for someone. Buying/picking flower and giving it as a gift. No reason needed. Just for the heck of it. Compliment someone. On their eyes. On their smile. On their passion. On their strength. They'll appreciate it. You know the saying: Maybe it won't make a difference to the whole world, but it will, for sure make a difference in that person's world. The best part is that it will make YOU feel great. Noble. 

4. Find your passion and follow it. Whatever this is, make the most out of it. Fill your free time working on it, developing it, molding it. Make it flow through you, it will attract even bigger passion. For life. 

5. Don't hate. Hate is a way too strong word for you to have in your vocabulary. You might not like something/someone, but don't hate. You don't want to disperse that kind of energy in the universe. You know how they say that dogs can smell the fear in people? Well, it's the same with people. They sense when someone's filled with hate. It is not a good vibe. 

6. Work on yourself. Get in the best shape you can. Physically, mentally, spiritually. Set apart a time in the day or the week when you will have a few moments to improve yourself in any given way. It will make you feel proud of yourself, boost your ego and make you love yourself more. People care about people who care about themselves.

7. Go on adventures. Go to the concert of a local band you have never heard or have a water balloon fight at 2 a.m, or go to a new restaurant you've been wanting to go to, and stop falling into the idea that you have to be traveling or have a lot of money to have incredible adventures and make your life mean something.

8. Read. Read a lot. Novels, poems, blog posts, people's opinion on music, food, social responsibility, politics. Whatever grinds your gears. Just read. Enrich your vocabulary. Broaden your horizon. See a new point of view. 

9. Love more. And express your feelings. You like someone, let them know. You love someone - it is imperative that you tell them. Let people know what you love. The smell of fresh baked cookies. The smell of freshly cut grass. The sound of a river softly running down. The taste of the new chewing gum. Love someone's laughter? Tell them. Love more. 

10. Smile more. Spread da joy. People love you.

11. Whatever you decide, don't ever give up. No matter how many times you fail, there is still a new day coming, a new sunrise to be watched, a new coffee to be drank, a new challenge to be achieved. If you can imagine it, you can do it.

12. Be you. You were molded the way you are today by your own fights. The scars that you carry are a proof that you fought and won. Or failed and learned. You were born an original. Don't fade away as a fake copy. Let your light shine. It will light up someone's day, I promise.

13. Remember:


Happy New Year, my dear friends. May all of you go through with your New Year's resolutions. Wishing for all of you that this year ends being ridiculously amazing.  

Over and out,
Tanya Jones

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Her eyes...

I fall in love thousand times a day. I fall in love so easily, so freely, so innocently. Be it my first morning coffee, or the soft brisk of fresh air, the little child that smiled at me or the cat that followed me home and all she wanted was to pet her. I fall in love with beautiful eyes of a stranger that unintentionally looked my way. I fall in love with the smile of the people, their soft way of walking, their hair. Most of all, I fall in love with a beautiful soul.

A few nights ago, two bottles of a fine red wine were the gateway that led me to meeting a beautiful soul once again. A beautiful creature with the most magnetizing eyes. I have met her before. So many years ago. A persona of my past, carved in my memory as the most innocent little creature with the most beautiful eyes. Two-lined chit-chat was enough for reacquainting her hypnosis. Yes, I am talking about a woman. Met her as a girl, got reacquainted to a woman. Still beautiful, still the same magnetizing smile, aura-pure kindness. But, her eyes... her eyes were telling a different story. A sad story.

Remembering moments of our past, when our paths crossed for a short period of time, retelling the stories of our foolishness, bringing up talks and feelings that are now ancient history. Glass by glass, word by word, story by story, we came to a point where we needed to fill in the blanks of our fading away years. So much pain and so many tears and so many screams for help. She was pouring her soul out, to the very last drip of it. The story her eyes tell. The story of a broken soul.

The person I once knew as the innocent little girl with the beautiful eyes was now a broken soul. What struck me the most was the pain in her eyes. Her pain, and yet, somehow, they still had the little innocent spark in them. The casual drink turned into a night out. As soon as we walked into the bar, five guys approached her. I am not exaggerating. And those weren't the only ones. Her presence was a shining light in the middle of the overcrowded place. Amongst all the alcohol and cigarette smoke, her face grimaced the amount of wine in her blood stream, yet she was stunningly magnetizing. Guys fighting over her attention, asking me where had she been till now. They didn't see her eyes. They didn't know her personality. Hungry male egos fighting over her beauty. Just her presence. "Where has she been all these years?" - I heard this too many times. As she was dancing, I watched her. The male shallowness begged for her company. Her eyes begged to forget.

Broken dreams, broken heart, broken soul. Twinkling eyes, happy looking face, smiling lips. Painful reality of many lives. Sensitive people are the most genuine and honest people you will ever meet. There is nothing they won’t tell you about themselves if they trust your kindness. However, the moment you betray them, reject them or devalue them, they become the worse type of person. Unfortunately, they end up hurting themselves in the long run. They don’t want to hurt other people. It is against their very nature. They want to make amends and undo the wrong they did. Their life is a wave of highs and lows. They live with guilt and constant pain over unresolved situations and misunderstandings. They are tortured souls that are not able to live with hatred or being hated. This type of person needs the most love anyone can give them because their soul has been constantly bruised by others. However, despite the tragedy of what they have to go through in life, they remain the most compassionate people worth knowing, and the ones that often become activists for the broken hearted, forgotten and the misunderstood. They are angels with broken wings that only fly when loved. That's why she was enjoying the attention. 

Who fixes broken people? Is it only other broken people, ones who've already been ruined? And do we need to be fixed? It was the messiness and hurt in our pasts that drove us, and that same hurt connected us at a sub-dermal level, the kind of scars written so deeply in your cells that you can't even see them anymore, only recognize them in someone else. Behind these eyes there is a girl trapped within her pain – a girl feeling all the emotions of anger and sadness. She’s fighting for a way out.  

She is a beautiful soul. A soul broken in million pieces and brought back together. And her light still beams. Cause the broken souls are the most beautiful ones, once you get to know their story.

Her story...was told by her eyes.


Friday, December 11, 2015

Fall in love with me

If you are going to fall in love with me,
don't fall in love with my Sunday best,
after spending hours getting ready
and have had many hours getting rest.

Fall in love with my body, the way
it widens quite a lot around my hips,
don't fall in love with my done hair
and make up on my face and red lips.

Fall in love with my imperfections,
my impatience, jealousy and joyfulness
my carelessness and my affections,
my maturity and my pointlessness.

Fall in love with my scars, my marks
and all the things that make me complete
fall in love with how my eyes spark,
when I am happy, smiled and upbeat.

Fall in love with every part of me, good or bad,
and especially with all I consider my flaw
fall in love with me when I am blue and sad
fall in love with me as a whole
or don't fall in love with me at all!

Monday, November 23, 2015

The aftereffect of our bodies intertwined

The only way to kill my demons from the past
Darling, be a good boy and bring me a glass
fill it with wine and pour some memories in
from those I've so long kept deep within me.

Let's not talk about it, it's a sad sad story
and I'll be alright, you don't have to worry
just bring your sweet self right next to me
we don't have to talk, that's already agreed.

We have to work together, just follow my lead
you have to kiss everywhere that I bleed
you have to pet everywhere that it hurts
you have to caress as I assert.

In the spirit of honesty, I visually enjoy you
and that's all there is to it, I know you knew.
let's make this night just count for pleasure
no weighing feelings, no measures.

Just you and me, honey, that's all I need
to kill this anguish that I for so long breed
you need someone just for tonight
I need someone just as quite.

Now, baby, please don't be shy
it's just you, me and the dark sky
I've broken down without a reason
that's alright, I've conquered my demons.


The night ends, the dawn is nigh
We've done it, the demons died.
As we said 'no strings attached'
It is clear we are a no-match.

Goodbye now, goodbye my friend,
this is how our story will end.
Until the next time I need a glass of wine
and the aftereffect of our bodies intertwined.

Sunday, November 22, 2015

I confess

He. Indefinite source of my torments.
Sweet decadence within all its intents.
I catch myself daydreaming
of our two bodies teaming.

Every drip and every drop
on my skin that slowly lops
of candy coated tongue caress
and I confess, I'm obsessed.

A thousand times do I envision
a beaming, gleaming, dreaming vision
of two bodies, skin to skin
of two souls, sin to sin.


And it never seems to come to an end
this daydream of mine that I pretend
to be real, as I watch you from afar
what I wish we were and what we are.

Two lost souls, two simple beings
is what the others may be seeing,
but we know from the look in our eyes
there is a crave, a thirst in the rise.

Through the layers we see the bare
and we see the crave the other bears
for it's energy it barely holds inside
our worlds shook with the same vibe.

It only takes for a one small touch
to realize the tension we feel so much
uncover our desire we so want to hide
save ourselves from this bide.

But we are strangers, just passing by
everyday, it becomes my why;
to conquer our desire, satisfy the lust
take the risk of loving, we must.

He. Indefinite source of my torments.
Sweet decadence within all its intents.
I catch myself daydreaming
of our two bodies teaming.

Every drip and every drop
on my skin that slowly lops
of candy coated tongue caress
and I confess, I'm obsessed.


Stilettos on the pillowcase

It's these cold late nights
that I treasure dimmed lights
soft warm breath on my neck
in love soaking my back.

Baby, not too often do I tell
what there is in my thoughts well
believe me, such a feels mess
not leaving me any rest.

My stilettos become heavy
and the admiration levy
of this Greek body that you wear
and your scent in mid air.

My body marked with your lips
and nails scratching my hips
losing my breath, and my mind,
and myself, as you grind.

Every little inch of my skin
longs for this sweet sin
and the shape your body makes
right next to me, on this pillowcase.

Baby, like a roller-coaster ride
like the ocean's last tide
love can leave you quiet, if it takes a notion
but tonight, baby, it was an explosion.

Our breathing syncs its pace
slowly this becomes a race
reaching for the top of the world
as it all becomes sweaty and blurred.


A heart beating stardust

There is a saying that I've heard a long time ago: “And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” And whenever I wished something really hard, I reminded myself of this saying. This, as well, complies with my personal believe that if you do good, good will be done to you. If you send positive energy, positive energy comes back your way. Sometimes, I do a random act of kindness, as all of you do and it feels great. No matter how small the gist is, it still counts. Be it holding the door for your neighbor, or feeding the cat that's always in front of your building, or giving your seat to an elderly person on the bus, or just helping that person that slipped or dropped their things in the middle of the street. How warm does your heart feel when they smile at you and say thank you? 

I have said it before, I'll say it one more time: I believe all people are good and beautiful in their own way. You know, we all came in this world in the same way. And we are leaving it the same way. What most of us don't realize is that we are all the same. We are all souls given a body as a tool to go through this journey called life. And our bodies, they are all made of stardust.

The amazing thing is that every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And, the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics: You are all stardust. You couldn't be here if stars hadn't exploded, because the elements - the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matter for evolution - weren't created at the beginning of time. They were created in the nuclear furnaces of stars, and the only way they could get into your body is if those stars were kind enough to explode. You are stardust.



And the promise of a day that's shiny new only a dreamer could afford this point of view. You are the Universe and there isn't anything you can't do. If you can picture it, you can achieve it. You are a winner, that is why you are here, on this planet, to win your life. We are limited, not by our abilities, but by our vision. You gotta have a big vision to know what your abilities are. Don't be afraid. Fear limits you. It's okay to dream and dream big. Don't just exist. Live. Thrive. Love. Share. Care. DARE!

Cause there, in your chest, there is a heart beating stardust.

Saturday, November 21, 2015

I promise you one thing

Feel like writing a post. I couldn't come up with a topic, so I just decided to start and see where it takes me. It's always been like that. Even when I was in primary school and got an assignment for my literature class, I wouldn't exactly know how my essay would go. I would just start and then let my pen lead the way. At times I would get confused and start all over again and at times I would just go on and on until I was pleased with what I've written. And most of the times when I didn't know how to start and just went with it, turned out to be my best essays, like you wouldn't believe. What it only takes is to just start. And don't give up. Either go on until you are satisfied, or start all over again.

It's the same with life. Why do we get so disappointed? Why do we give up? It's not like it'll change by itself. We gotta work on it. Like on an essay. Even if you think there is no time and the deadline is near, you can do it. How many nights you finished a masterpiece in just a few hours before it was due? Funny thing, this brain of ours. It can make wonders if we only let it.

It's the same with life. Why not continue to grow and develop until we are satisfied? You failed and you quit? Why not continue and see where it takes you? It might be some new experience, a new way to handle things. It may open your horizons and make you see the thing from another perspective.

It is the same. You tried and failed and that's it? Why not just try one more time. Maybe this is the time when you get it right. Or the time after that. You feel like you have exhausted all your options and you just give in. Start all over again. And then again. And again. It takes many times, but when you make it right, you know it and you feel accomplished. You feel free.

I'll make this one short. I obviously wanted to convey a message to all of you out there. Just like a paper due tomorrow, where you gotta work smart to finish it, work with life. It might cut a few hours short on your sleep, but it'll be worth it. Keep going and never give up. Or start all over again and never give up.

If you are seeking for someone else's approval, don't. If you are out for recognition, don't be. The only person that should approve your actions is no one else, but you. The only person that you should seek recognition from is yourself. And until you are satisfied with yourself, until you give yourself that recognition that means so much to you, don't stop. Keep going. One step at a time. You'll get there, I promise.


Friday, November 20, 2015

When galaxies collide

Face to face, eyes to eyes
A soft sigh, no more whys
Lips tremble, whispering shy
One look, dawn is nigh.

Moonlit skin as bathed in silver
from the brisk draft bodies shiver
praising your masculinity
indulgence in infinity.

Without words I use  
my tongue to tell the tale of us
Anticipating the fuse
creating the emotion fuss.

Tracing your shadowscape
in all its divinity
and there is no escape 
from all this affinity.

Molded by your fingers
a musk scent that lingers
all over this body of mine
a leniency, a fine wine.

With the first sight of dawn
you know, my soul is your pawn
and right here, on this bedside
is where galaxies collide.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

I want you everyday, in every way

I want your Monday morning
sleep soaked eyes
dream drenched voice,
lazy bones
‘five more minutes please babe.’

I want your Tuesday afternoon
coffee break,
glasses off, laughter on
‘just hold me for a while
it’s been a hard day.’

I want your Wednesday evening
fingers through hair
teeth nibbling nails
neck craning, eye glazing
‘this paperwork never ends’.



I want your Thursday night
drinks for two
bones unbind
muscles let loose
flats, slacks,
‘just me and you’.

I want your finally Friday
stretch soul smile,
sun sipping light
from the glaciers in your eyes
fingers unfurl, hand extends
‘c’mon babe, lets go wild’.

I want your weekend.
your movie marathon Saturday
reading by the fireplace
kissing in the blankets
want your Sunday morning
orange juice and pancakes
white sheets, tender skin
hair like the Fourth of July
‘let’s not get out of bed today.’

I want your ordinary
and your stress, rest, release
I want your bad day and that terrible night
I want you drunk in my arms
forgetting the place but never my name
I want your lazy and your lonely
and your fist full of fight
I want you everyday
in every way
for the rest of my life.

(Author Unknown)

Saturday, November 14, 2015

Preach peace!

The great Bob Marley once sang: "Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery; None but ourselves can free our minds. Have no fear for atomic energy, 'Cause none of them can stop the time. How long shall they kill our prophets, While we stand aside and look? Ooh! Some say it's just a part of it: We've got to fulfill the book."



 If a family member is killed, it hits you harder than a neighbor....just because Europe are standing up for our French neighbors, does not mean we should be subjected to accusations that we do not care for other countries. This is bad and tragic and frustrating and devastating and excruciating and painful and depressing...sad. Yet, there are so many bad things happening at the same time. What about flight MH17 last year? Innocent people were shot by a missile. 298 were killed. Nobody turned their profile into the Dutch flag. Paris, it's awful and tragic, but it's true, the media has the power and it's scary that less people think for themselves, no matter what the on-line topic is. The mainstream media is controlled by the people who need you to support their decisions to do things in parliament. The next thing on the horizon is border closures and bombing of Syria. Paris is perfect news coverage for the criminal warmongers in charge to 'justify' their next moves. Other warzones are ignored until it benefits the justification of the next decisions they make. 
Meanwhile people burn, and the war criminals in charge fill their pockets from the profits that these wars make.

Seeing Facebook covered with the colors of the French flag is truly touching and my heart bleeds for all the innocent victims. But the media has done its part -  depicting the situation in the favor of the manipulations. Let's get a bit of perspective here: The media has reported that more than 150 people died last Friday in the attack in Paris. Yet, there are 200 000 people in the past year alone who died of ISIS attacks. Muslims and Christians. Why has there been no outrage for this? Why didn't we change our profile pictures in the colors of the Iraq's, Syria's or Palestine's flags? Syria's death toll so far: 250 000 people, amongst who 30 000 children. 2014 Israel: 2200 Palestinians including 513 children. Use your brain and think. Ask yourself why lose our minds about 150+ French people and not even mention Iraqis, Palestinians and Syrians. ISIS death toll amounts to numbers greater than 1.5 million people. Now imagine 1.5 million people. All dead. Why? 

I see all those messages 'Pray for Paris', 'Pray for Beirut', 'Pray for Baghdad'. NO! Enough praying. I won't pray. It hasn't got us anywhere. We need to stop praying and start acting. Start teaching and learning. Instead of preaching religion, preach peace. Religion is geographically determined. Peace is worldwide. Preach peace. And don't get me wrong, I respect religion. What I don't respect is terrorist attacks in the name of religion. I don't respect religious radicalism. I don't respect brainwashing media propaganda. Start educating and emancipating people. Teaching them that no matter what the religion is, what the skin color or country of origin is, we are all people. 



When you call yourself a Muslim, a Christian, a European, or anything else, you are being violent. Can you see why? Because you're separating yourself from the rest of mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by tradition, it breeds violence. A man who is seeking to understand and stop violence, does not belong to any country, any belief system, any tradition. They belong to one race, the human race. We have only one country, it's the earth. Everything else is a political goal and an artificial determinative for dividing people. 

The great Bob Marley once sang: "Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery; None but ourselves can free our minds." He's right, you know.

Preach PEACE!!!

Monday, November 9, 2015

Just smile. Everything will be OK.

You don't know pain, until you're staring at yourself in the mirror with tears in your eyes, begging yourself to just hold on and be strong.

It was not the day. It was that night. I was staring at my own reflection in the mirror with eyes swollen shut of crying and somehow tears still running down my cheeks. Eyes red, bloody lips of me trying to bite off that anger in me. I could not feel the physical pain. But I was in pain. I was calm for 30 seconds and hysterical the next minute. It came in waves. I was crumbling like an old roasted peace of bread. Hundreds of crumbles. My heart was beating so loud, so hard, I could almost feel pain. It hurt. It hurt to know that he is no longer there. He is no longer here. He is no longer...anywhere.

It's true what they say - you don't know pain until you're staring at yourself in the mirror with tears in your eyes, begging yourself to just hold on and be strong. That's what I did. I was begging myself to stop crying. I was begging myself to calm down. I was begging myself to hold on. That's all you can do. Cause you know, time heals. As cliché as it sounds, you know they're right. You know the pain will go away. Eventually.

There come times in life when the world seems to be a too cruel place to live. All these bad things happen, war, poverty, disasters, killings and shootings, people dying, and it seems it never stops. And you're right. It doesn't. But that's how the world has always been. There will always be a part of the world where greediness takes over sanity. There will always be a part of the world where poverty is a mild word to describe the situation. There will always be a part of the world where people die... Yes, it is a cruel world.

Though, you know, most of the time you are happy. Even if you don't realize it, you are. You are smiling. Whenever you meet up with your friends, you smile to greet them. Whenever you see your parents after a longer period of time, you smile at them before telling them how much you've missed them. Whenever you see a little kid taking their first steps, you smile. You smile at the dog, the cat, the cashier, the colleague, your siblings, your significant other. You smile. Somehow, after everything you have been through, you still have the courage and strength to smile. And this is what matters. This means that you survived so many horrible things. And you smile.



Eventually, it comes to mind the gratefulness. Being grateful for what you have, what you are, who you are. You remember that there is so much to smile at and about. Do I need to recite all the things? Of course not. You all know all those things, aims, goals and ambitions that keep you alive and thriving. Cause, you know, it's not all that bad. Tomorrow is a new day. For a new hope. And a new fight. Or a new win. Who knows? 

And I know these scribbles of mine sometimes are too generic, or seem like thoughts simply thrown on a paper. But I do have a point. Why do we smile? What is that inner motivator that makes us smile?

At the end of the day, there are someone's arms wide opened that wait for you. A hand standing in the air waiting for yours. A simple touch and it is all OK. And you remember everything that's good. Or forget everything that's been bothering you. We survive by remembering. But sometimes we survive by forgetting. Most importantly, we survive.

Whatever you are going through now, no matter how tough it seems, how much it hurts, remember, this too shall pass.

Smile. It's contagious. Smile. It's what will prove you that you are strong. You don't know pain, until you're staring at yourself in the mirror with tears in your eyes, begging yourself to just hold on and be strong. Just smile. Everything will be OK.