Just smile. Everything will be OK.

You don't know pain, until you're staring at yourself in the mirror with tears in your eyes, begging yourself to just hold on and be strong.

It was not the day. It was that night. I was staring at my own reflection in the mirror with eyes swollen shut of crying and somehow tears still running down my cheeks. Eyes red, bloody lips of me trying to bite off that anger in me. I could not feel the physical pain. But I was in pain. I was calm for 30 seconds and hysterical the next minute. It came in waves. I was crumbling like an old roasted peace of bread. Hundreds of crumbles. My heart was beating so loud, so hard, I could almost feel pain. It hurt. It hurt to know that he is no longer there. He is no longer here. He is no longer...anywhere.

It's true what they say - you don't know pain until you're staring at yourself in the mirror with tears in your eyes, begging yourself to just hold on and be strong. That's what I did. I was begging myself to stop crying. I was begging myself to calm down. I was begging myself to hold on. That's all you can do. Cause you know, time heals. As cliché as it sounds, you know they're right. You know the pain will go away. Eventually.

There come times in life when the world seems to be a too cruel place to live. All these bad things happen, war, poverty, disasters, killings and shootings, people dying, and it seems it never stops. And you're right. It doesn't. But that's how the world has always been. There will always be a part of the world where greediness takes over sanity. There will always be a part of the world where poverty is a mild word to describe the situation. There will always be a part of the world where people die... Yes, it is a cruel world.

Though, you know, most of the time you are happy. Even if you don't realize it, you are. You are smiling. Whenever you meet up with your friends, you smile to greet them. Whenever you see your parents after a longer period of time, you smile at them before telling them how much you've missed them. Whenever you see a little kid taking their first steps, you smile. You smile at the dog, the cat, the cashier, the colleague, your siblings, your significant other. You smile. Somehow, after everything you have been through, you still have the courage and strength to smile. And this is what matters. This means that you survived so many horrible things. And you smile.

Eventually, it comes to mind the gratefulness. Being grateful for what you have, what you are, who you are. You remember that there is so much to smile at and about. Do I need to recite all the things? Of course not. You all know all those things, aims, goals and ambitions that keep you alive and thriving. Cause, you know, it's not all that bad. Tomorrow is a new day. For a new hope. And a new fight. Or a new win. Who knows? 

And I know these scribbles of mine sometimes are too generic, or seem like thoughts simply thrown on a paper. But I do have a point. Why do we smile? What is that inner motivator that makes us smile?

At the end of the day, there are someone's arms wide opened that wait for you. A hand standing in the air waiting for yours. A simple touch and it is all OK. And you remember everything that's good. Or forget everything that's been bothering you. We survive by remembering. But sometimes we survive by forgetting. Most importantly, we survive.

Whatever you are going through now, no matter how tough it seems, how much it hurts, remember, this too shall pass.

Smile. It's contagious. Smile. It's what will prove you that you are strong. You don't know pain, until you're staring at yourself in the mirror with tears in your eyes, begging yourself to just hold on and be strong. Just smile. Everything will be OK.