The aftereffect of our bodies intertwined

The only way to kill my demons from the past

Darling, be a good boy and bring me a glass

fill it with wine and pour some memories in

from those I've so long kept deep within me.

Let's not talk about it, it's a sad sad story

and I'll be alright, you don't have to worry

just bring your sweet self right next to me

we don't have to talk, that's already agreed.

We have to work together, just follow my lead

you have to kiss everywhere that I bleed

you have to pet everywhere that it hurts

you have to caress as I assert.

In the spirit of honesty, I visually enjoy you

and that's all there is to it, I know you knew.

let's make this night just count for pleasure

no weighing feelings, no measures.

Just you and me, honey, that's all I need

to kill this anguish that I for so long breed

you need someone just for tonight

I need someone just as quite.

Now, baby, please don't be shy

it's just you, me and the dark sky

I've broken down without a reason

that's alright, I've conquered my demons.

The night ends, the dawn is nigh

We've done it, the demons died.

As we said 'no strings attached'

It is clear we are a no-match.

Goodbye now, goodbye my friend,

this is how our story will end.

Until the next time I need a glass of wine

and the aftereffect of our bodies intertwined.

I confess

He. Indefinite source of my torments.

Sweet decadence within all its intents.

I catch myself daydreaming

of our two bodies teaming.

Every drip and every drop

on my skin that slowly lops

of candy coated tongue caress

and I confess, I'm obsessed.

A thousand times do I envision

a beaming, gleaming, dreaming vision

of two bodies, skin to skin

of two souls, sin to sin.

And it never seems to come to an end

this daydream of mine that I pretend

to be real, as I watch you from afar

what I wish we were and what we are.

Two lost souls, two simple beings

is what the others may be seeing,

but we know from the look in our eyes

there is a crave, a thirst in the rise.

Through the layers we see the bare

and we see the crave the other bears

for it's energy it barely holds inside

our worlds shook with the same vibe.

It only takes for a one small touch

to realize the tension we feel so much

uncover our desire we so want to hide

save ourselves from this bide.

But we are strangers, just passing by

everyday, it becomes my why;

to conquer our desire, satisfy the lust

take the risk of loving, we must.

He. Indefinite source of my torments.

Sweet decadence within all its intents.

I catch myself daydreaming

of our two bodies teaming.

Every drip and every drop

on my skin that slowly lops

of candy coated tongue caress

and I confess, I'm obsessed.

Stilettos on the pillowcase

It's these cold late nights

that I treasure dimmed lights

soft warm breath on my neck

in love soaking my back.

Baby, not too often do I tell

what there is in my thoughts well

believe me, such a feels mess

not leaving me any rest.

My stilettos become heavy

and the admiration levy

of this Greek body that you wear

and your scent in mid air.

My body marked with your lips

and nails scratching my hips

losing my breath, and my mind,

and myself, as you grind.

Every little inch of my skin

longs for this sweet sin

and the shape your body makes

right next to me, on this pillowcase.

Baby, like a roller-coaster ride

like the ocean's last tide

love can leave you quiet, if it takes a notion

but tonight, baby, it was an explosion.

Our breathing syncs its pace

slowly this becomes a race

reaching for the top of the world

as it all becomes sweaty and blurred.

A heart beating stardust

There is a saying that I've heard a long time ago: “And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” And whenever I wished something really hard, I reminded myself of this saying. This, as well, complies with my personal believe that if you do good, good will be done to you. If you send positive energy, positive energy comes back your way. Sometimes, I do a random act of kindness, as all of you do and it feels great. No matter how small the gist is, it still counts. Be it holding the door for your neighbor, or feeding the cat that's always in front of your building, or giving your seat to an elderly person on the bus, or just helping that person that slipped or dropped their things in the middle of the street. How warm does your heart feel when they smile at you and say thank you? 

I have said it before, I'll say it one more time: I believe all people are good and beautiful in their own way. You know, we all came in this world in the same way. And we are leaving it the same way. What most of us don't realize is that we are all the same. We are all souls given a body as a tool to go through this journey called life. And our bodies, they are all made of stardust.

The amazing thing is that every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And, the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics: You are all stardust. You couldn't be here if stars hadn't exploded, because the elements - the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matter for evolution - weren't created at the beginning of time. They were created in the nuclear furnaces of stars, and the only way they could get into your body is if those stars were kind enough to explode. You are stardust.

And the promise of a day that's shiny new only a dreamer could afford this point of view. You are the Universe and there isn't anything you can't do. If you can picture it, you can achieve it. You are a winner, that is why you are here, on this planet, to win your life. We are limited, not by our abilities, but by our vision. You gotta have a big vision to know what your abilities are. Don't be afraid. Fear limits you. It's okay to dream and dream big. Don't just exist. Live. Thrive. Love. Share. Care. DARE!

Cause there, in your chest, there is a heart beating stardust.

I promise you one thing

Feel like writing a post. I couldn't come up with a topic, so I just decided to start and see where it takes me. It's always been like that. Even when I was in primary school and got an assignment for my literature class, I wouldn't exactly know how my essay would go. I would just start and then let my pen lead the way. At times I would get confused and start all over again and at times I would just go on and on until I was pleased with what I've written. And most of the times when I didn't know how to start and just went with it, turned out to be my best essays, like you wouldn't believe. What it only takes is to just start. And don't give up. Either go on until you are satisfied, or start all over again.

It's the same with life. Why do we get so disappointed? Why do we give up? It's not like it'll change by itself. We gotta work on it. Like on an essay. Even if you think there is no time and the deadline is near, you can do it. How many nights you finished a masterpiece in just a few hours before it was due? Funny thing, this brain of ours. It can make wonders if we only let it.

It's the same with life. Why not continue to grow and develop until we are satisfied? You failed and you quit? Why not continue and see where it takes you? It might be some new experience, a new way to handle things. It may open your horizons and make you see the thing from another perspective.

It is the same. You tried and failed and that's it? Why not just try one more time. Maybe this is the time when you get it right. Or the time after that. You feel like you have exhausted all your options and you just give in. Start all over again. And then again. And again. It takes many times, but when you make it right, you know it and you feel accomplished. You feel free.

I'll make this one short. I obviously wanted to convey a message to all of you out there. Just like a paper due tomorrow, where you gotta work smart to finish it, work with life. It might cut a few hours short on your sleep, but it'll be worth it. Keep going and never give up. Or start all over again and never give up.

If you are seeking for someone else's approval, don't. If you are out for recognition, don't be. The only person that should approve your actions is no one else, but you. The only person that you should seek recognition from is yourself. And until you are satisfied with yourself, until you give yourself that recognition that means so much to you, don't stop. Keep going. One step at a time. You'll get there, I promise.

When galaxies collide

Face to face, eyes to eyes

A soft sigh, no more whys

Lips tremble, whispering shy

One look, dawn is nigh.

Moonlit skin as bathed in silver

from the brisk draft bodies shiver

praising your masculinity

indulgence in infinity.

Without words I use  

my tongue to tell the tale of us

Anticipating the fuse

creating the emotion fuss.

Tracing your shadowscape

in all its divinity

and there is no escape 

from all this affinity.

Molded by your fingers

a musk scent that lingers

all over this body of mine

a leniency, a fine wine.

With the first sight of dawn

you know, my soul is your pawn

and right here, on this bedside

is where galaxies collide.

I want you everyday, in every way

I want your Monday morning

sleep soaked eyes

dream drenched voice,

lazy bones

‘five more minutes please babe.’

I want your Tuesday afternoon

coffee break,

glasses off, laughter on

‘just hold me for a while

it’s been a hard day.’

I want your Wednesday evening

fingers through hair

teeth nibbling nails

neck craning, eye glazing

‘this paperwork never ends’.

I want your Thursday night

drinks for two

bones unbind

muscles let loose

flats, slacks,

‘just me and you’.

I want your finally Friday

stretch soul smile,

sun sipping light

from the glaciers in your eyes

fingers unfurl, hand extends

‘c’mon babe, lets go wild’.

I want your weekend.

your movie marathon Saturday

reading by the fireplace

kissing in the blankets

want your Sunday morning

orange juice and pancakes

white sheets, tender skin

hair like the Fourth of July

‘let’s not get out of bed today.’

I want your ordinary

and your stress, rest, release

I want your bad day and that terrible night

I want you drunk in my arms

forgetting the place but never my name

I want your lazy and your lonely

and your fist full of fight

I want you everyday

in every way

for the rest of my life.

(Author Unknown)

Preach peace!

The great Bob Marley once sang: "Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery; None but ourselves can free our minds. Have no fear for atomic energy, 'Cause none of them can stop the time. How long shall they kill our prophets, While we stand aside and look? Ooh! Some say it's just a part of it: We've got to fulfill the book."

 If a family member is killed, it hits you harder than a neighbor....just because Europe are standing up for our French neighbors, does not mean we should be subjected to accusations that we do not care for other countries. This is bad and tragic and frustrating and devastating and excruciating and painful and depressing...sad. Yet, there are so many bad things happening at the same time. What about flight MH17 last year? Innocent people were shot by a missile. 298 were killed. Nobody turned their profile into the Dutch flag. Paris, it's awful and tragic, but it's true, the media has the power and it's scary that less people think for themselves, no matter what the on-line topic is. The mainstream media is controlled by the people who need you to support their decisions to do things in parliament. The next thing on the horizon is border closures and bombing of Syria. Paris is perfect news coverage for the criminal warmongers in charge to 'justify' their next moves. Other warzones are ignored until it benefits the justification of the next decisions they make. 

Meanwhile people burn, and the war criminals in charge fill their pockets from the profits that these wars make.

Seeing Facebook covered with the colors of the French flag is truly touching and my heart bleeds for all the innocent victims. But the media has done its part -  depicting the situation in the favor of the manipulations. Let's get a bit of perspective here: The media has reported that more than 150 people died last Friday in the attack in Paris. Yet, there are 200 000 people in the past year alone who died of ISIS attacks. Muslims and Christians. Why has there been no outrage for this? Why didn't we change our profile pictures in the colors of the Iraq's, Syria's or Palestine's flags? Syria's death toll so far: 250 000 people, amongst who 30 000 children. 2014 Israel: 2200 Palestinians including 513 children. Use your brain and think. Ask yourself why lose our minds about 150+ French people and not even mention Iraqis, Palestinians and Syrians. ISIS death toll amounts to numbers greater than 1.5 million people. Now imagine 1.5 million people. All dead. Why? 

I see all those messages 'Pray for Paris', 'Pray for Beirut', 'Pray for Baghdad'. NO! Enough praying. I won't pray. It hasn't got us anywhere. We need to stop praying and start acting. Start teaching and learning. Instead of preaching religion, preach peace. Religion is geographically determined. Peace is worldwide. Preach peace. And don't get me wrong, I respect religion. What I don't respect is terrorist attacks in the name of religion. I don't respect religious radicalism. I don't respect brainwashing media propaganda. Start educating and emancipating people. Teaching them that no matter what the religion is, what the skin color or country of origin is, we are all people. 

When you call yourself a Muslim, a Christian, a European, or anything else, you are being violent. Can you see why? Because you're separating yourself from the rest of mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by tradition, it breeds violence. A man who is seeking to understand and stop violence, does not belong to any country, any belief system, any tradition. They belong to one race, the human race. We have only one country, it's the earth. Everything else is a political goal and an artificial determinative for dividing people. 

The great Bob Marley once sang: "Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery; None but ourselves can free our minds." He's right, you know.

Preach PEACE!!!

Just smile. Everything will be OK.

You don't know pain, until you're staring at yourself in the mirror with tears in your eyes, begging yourself to just hold on and be strong.

It was not the day. It was that night. I was staring at my own reflection in the mirror with eyes swollen shut of crying and somehow tears still running down my cheeks. Eyes red, bloody lips of me trying to bite off that anger in me. I could not feel the physical pain. But I was in pain. I was calm for 30 seconds and hysterical the next minute. It came in waves. I was crumbling like an old roasted peace of bread. Hundreds of crumbles. My heart was beating so loud, so hard, I could almost feel pain. It hurt. It hurt to know that he is no longer there. He is no longer here. He is no longer...anywhere.

It's true what they say - you don't know pain until you're staring at yourself in the mirror with tears in your eyes, begging yourself to just hold on and be strong. That's what I did. I was begging myself to stop crying. I was begging myself to calm down. I was begging myself to hold on. That's all you can do. Cause you know, time heals. As cliché as it sounds, you know they're right. You know the pain will go away. Eventually.

There come times in life when the world seems to be a too cruel place to live. All these bad things happen, war, poverty, disasters, killings and shootings, people dying, and it seems it never stops. And you're right. It doesn't. But that's how the world has always been. There will always be a part of the world where greediness takes over sanity. There will always be a part of the world where poverty is a mild word to describe the situation. There will always be a part of the world where people die... Yes, it is a cruel world.

Though, you know, most of the time you are happy. Even if you don't realize it, you are. You are smiling. Whenever you meet up with your friends, you smile to greet them. Whenever you see your parents after a longer period of time, you smile at them before telling them how much you've missed them. Whenever you see a little kid taking their first steps, you smile. You smile at the dog, the cat, the cashier, the colleague, your siblings, your significant other. You smile. Somehow, after everything you have been through, you still have the courage and strength to smile. And this is what matters. This means that you survived so many horrible things. And you smile.

Eventually, it comes to mind the gratefulness. Being grateful for what you have, what you are, who you are. You remember that there is so much to smile at and about. Do I need to recite all the things? Of course not. You all know all those things, aims, goals and ambitions that keep you alive and thriving. Cause, you know, it's not all that bad. Tomorrow is a new day. For a new hope. And a new fight. Or a new win. Who knows? 

And I know these scribbles of mine sometimes are too generic, or seem like thoughts simply thrown on a paper. But I do have a point. Why do we smile? What is that inner motivator that makes us smile?

At the end of the day, there are someone's arms wide opened that wait for you. A hand standing in the air waiting for yours. A simple touch and it is all OK. And you remember everything that's good. Or forget everything that's been bothering you. We survive by remembering. But sometimes we survive by forgetting. Most importantly, we survive.

Whatever you are going through now, no matter how tough it seems, how much it hurts, remember, this too shall pass.

Smile. It's contagious. Smile. It's what will prove you that you are strong. You don't know pain, until you're staring at yourself in the mirror with tears in your eyes, begging yourself to just hold on and be strong. Just smile. Everything will be OK.

The truest thing I have ever read.

You. Who are you? 

How will you define yourself? Take the time and think of three adjectives describing you as a person. Cheerful, doubtful, optimistic, realistic, realistic pessimist, easy-going, introvert, open-minded, friendly, outgoing, analytical, impulsive... Now take those three adjectives and think about them. Is this how you would describe yourself or how people perceive you as a person? Or both? What would you like to be described as? What are the real adjectives that you want to be added to your personality? Adjectives that really depict your personality palette? Think of three. Now write them down. No, really write them down. On a little peace of paper. In your cell phone. On a post-it note. With a pen, pencil, lipstick, whatever is nearest. Read them aloud. Why didn't you say these adjectives in the first place? Why aren't you this person? Is someone stopping you? You can become that person, you know. It's easy. 

The world perceives you as the person you let them to see. I know this myself, and it is completely normal. You cannot be the same with your parents as you are with your professor, your friends, your crush. Oh, your crush. You are the least yourself in front of your crush. You are shy. Afraid to show your true colors. Cause they might not like you. They might not like your truest self? What's the logic behind this? I'll pretend to be cooler/wiser/not myself so they like me. And maybe they'll like you, maybe they won't. But they won't like you for you. They would or wouldn't like you for the person you act to be. Why just not be yourself, so you would know, they like me for me, or they don't like me for me. Either way, you'll be true to yourself. If they do, lucky you. If not, you can either try and become a better version of yourself, or who cares. They don't like you for you, they don't deserve to see your better self. 

This is not only happening in high-school with your crush. This is happening in your everyday life. We are all living multiple personalities lives. We have one personality for when we are with our parents, employers, professors; another one for when we are with our friends and peers and completely different one when we are by ourselves. And which one is the truest you? It's the one you chose to be when you are by yourself. Do you sing when you are alone? Do you have your 'grumpy cat' hat on? Do you whine and complain? Do you smile? See, when most of the time you find yourself explaining yourself why you did or didn't do that, that's your personality. Doubtful of self. If most of the time you day-dream, that's you. A day-dreamer. If you go out and hang out with friends, you're outgoing. If you want to stay at home and just be by yourself, you are introvert. I am not talking about just that one time when you whined. Every once in a while it happens to not be yourself. But if you catch yourself doing this often, then you might as well be.

My point was, why so many personalities? Why so many masks? What are you afraid of? That the world won't like you? They will. If you are your true self, those true friends will like you. The important ones. Cause it's not about the people in general, There will always be that one person that hates your guts. Or that another one that can't stand you. But there will be that one person that loved you despite the fact that you chew with opened mouth. There will be that one person that will love you despite the fact that you are not as cool as someone, or not as rich, or not as handsome. At the end, it's all relative people. If you love someone, you love them because of them. If you don't like someone, you just don't like them because of their personality. But, being the always optimistic, I tend to believe that deep down, all people are good. And beautiful in their own way. 

I just wanted to share a quote with you. I don't really know whose is it, I just know I came upon it a few months ago and it kinda stuck with me. And this is the truest thing I have ever read:

You are a living, breathing embodiment of cosmic energy with endless power. No one can take away this power away from you, not with money, fame, war, threats, or insults. You incarnated here on this planet from the same Source as everyone else, so we all come here with equal potential. You're not just a machine here to perform a job, so you can pay bills and make your boss happy; you came here to shake this world to its core and redefine what it means to live on this planet. 

You have left an everlasting imprint on the world just by being here, so don't ever feel unimportant, because your life matters more than you have been led to believe.

You are a living, breathing embodiment of cosmic energy with endless power. No one can take away this power away from you. No one.

My little sunshine...

To M.

Memories flash through my mind

Is life that unfair and cruel, unkind?

Life ain't always what you think it ought to be,

Ain't even gray, but you're no longer here.

Did it had to be this way?

I keep wondering every day

Now you're just too far away.

I'm sad and angry and feeling bad

Missing the talks we used to have.

In every other I look for your face

Searching for you in vain space.

Struggling hard to understand why

you had to go forever, not just for a while.

Ought you know, my little sunshine

The world will miss your sublime.

A heart of gold stopped beating,

two twinkling eyes closed to rest

Universe broke our heart that day to prove

She only takes the best.

Believe...

Believe in the morning, it will come with the early dawn.

The world will lighten up and go into respawn.

Believe in the sun. Maybe you can't see it through the clouds

But you know it's still there, eventually it will come out.

Believe in the kind word, for you may not see, 

but it warms someone's heart and sets it free.

Believe in healing through a warm hug,

Sometimes it only takes a short snug.

Believe in the power of a smile,

It brightens up a day for a little while.

Believe in good coffee, early-morning, strong, 

to make your day go along.

Believe in music that heals the pain 

You'll heal through the blood in your veins.

Believe in fairytales, they still come true.

Believe in yourself, cause I believe in you.

...It's not the fear of dying that scares the shit out of me. It's the fear of not living.

...It's not the fear of dying that scares the shit out of me. It's the fear of not living.

If you don't know why you're here, I encourage you to find out what your purpose is here, what is the meaning of your life, what will be different. Have you ever asked yourself that question? And most people go to their graves with their greatness still in them. What if you live your whole life only to discover that it was wrong? 

We've all taken time just to stop and reflect many times when we hear what is happening in the news or read on the Internet. Where's all this leading to? What's going on here? Now more than ever we must begin to look at what are the things that we can do, that would put us on some firm ground in life, that will enable us to do some things and use some powers that we have that many of us go through life never ever discovering that we have all those things going for us. And part of that is knowing what is your life work. What is it that gives your life a sense of meaning and purpose? See, if you know what your life work is, I encourage you to start working on it. If you can't do it all at one time, do just a little bit of it. And if you don't know what it is that you showed up to do, if you don't know why you are here, you have to find out what your purpose here is. What is the meaning of your life? Because once you find that, it puts you in your power place.

According to recent studies, more than 75% of the working population are going to jobs they hate. Working on jobs that do not challenge them. They get sick thinking about going, because, see, when you go to a job and you already know how far you can go, you can already see that proverbial glass ceiling. When you are going some place and you already know how much you're going to make, you already know how far you can go. You are on a dead end position. It erodes your self esteem. It lowers your sense of your self. It creates an inner turmoil. It creates an emptiness in you.

Your life is worth finding what it is that you are supposed to do. Imagine if you will being on your death bed and standing around your bed, the ghost of the dreams, the ideas, the abilities, the talents, given to you by life, but you, for whatever reason, you never pursued those dreams. You never acted on those ideas. You never used those gifts. You never used those talents. And there they are, staring at you as you are lying on your bed with large angry eyes filled with regret. Only you could have brought them to life. Only you could have given them life. And now, they must die with you. Forever.

And the question is, if you died today...what dreams, what talents, what ideas would die with you?

Четири мартинија потоа...

Стојам на шанкот и го чекам келнерот да ми подаде чаша вода. Два пати им подвикна на шанкерите. Ја испив на екс и тргнав надолу во тоалетот. Ив ме чекаше таму. Односно чекаше ред. Јас ја чекав нејзе. Принцези околу мене. Високи, ниски, русокоси, бринети, црни. Слаби и дебели и тамам. На ниско и на високо. И на многу високо. Не може да стои и се потпира на лавабото, додека суптилно проверува да не има нешто меѓу заби. Под око ја погледнува таа до себе која го поправа карминот, ставајќи уште еден слој на веќе исцртаната уста. Се ослободува едната кабина. Излегува една принцеза, влегува друга. Молчешкум. Некои непишани правила на кои се придржуваме. Никој не зборува. А сите имаат толку многу да кажат. Им се познава по светнатите очи од алкохол и ѕверење по момците. Влегува уште една принцеза во веќе полниот тоалет. Се потпирам на ѕидот зад мене, додека Ив сѐ уште чека ред. Колку ли време им треба за да завршат работа? Штом е толку гужва, премногу. Ја загледувам принцезата со највисоките потпетици. Сѐ уште се потпира на лавабото, иако веќе ѝ стежнува. Што од потпетиците, што од алкохолот кој ѝ се чита на подочњаците. Посега по ташната по не знам кој пат и вади малечко огледалце. Повторно проверка на лицето и малото мозолче на образот. Го растега лицето и пак го враќа во првобитна состојба. Се насмевнува. Што ли ѝ се врти во глава?

Од спротива, потпрена девојка во краток фустан. Многу краток. Ако се наведне, должината ќе се скрати трикратно. Затоа и не се наведнува. Само се потпира. На главата носи цветно венче. Таа е од оние што слават моминска. Не ѝ е баш по ќеф. Со осудувачки поглед ме гледа. Ја фатив со аголот од окото. Носев црни пантолони, памучни, речиси тренерки. Не бев за излегување. Ама кафе со Ив никогаш не значи само кафе. И не ми е битно што носам на мене. Мене ми е убаво. И удобно на ниските чевли. Можеби ми завидува што сум на ниско, па затоа така ме гледа. Ја погледнувам и одма го трга погледот. Се насмевнувам. Ив конечно дојде на ред. Излезе за минутка. Ја обожавам. Се разбираме со поглед.

Се враќаме на масата, кај што нѐ чека С. Сама. Не ѝ е гајле. Дружењето со нив ми е најрелаксирачко. Нема потреба од излишни коментари за тоа колку народот е искомплексиран и дали ќе прокоментираат зошто некоја е сама на маса или зошто не носиме шминка. Позади нас, група од момци во своите 30-ти. Втора половина од 30, би рекла. Им го слушам муабетот и покрај гласната музика. И недолични извици. И продолжено манијачење. Несуптилно и невкусно. Жеден, крволочен поглед што бара жртва. Секс. Сѐ се врти околу секс. И внимание. Сексот е форма на внимание. Највисока форма на внимание. И принцезите со нивниот изглед, за кој се гледа дека потрошиле часови дотерувајќи се. И момциве, што потрошиле саати на порно видеа и мислат дека со извици ќе привлечат некоја. Сѐ е за секс. Околу секс. Желба за секс. Примитивен порив во урбано место. Глумиме. Сите.

Сѐ е за секс. Освен сексот. Сексот е за моќ. И највисока форма на внимание.